"Skepsis" takes off...................

now now, control your anxieties and your fingers from throwing in a google search for the word. i have already checked it out and it shows the name of some psychiatric facility in austria. hehehe. no this is nothing out of the way or mental, but sure it is special." skepsis " is the name of my band. and let me make it clear that i am not the one who suggested the name!! well it does mean - a skeptical look towards attitude - so it should be pretty clear what kind of band mates i have..........:).............

well, yesterday after almost a month of waiting and brooding (was it only a month........god it felt like ages had passed!!) , i finally got together with the band. and this was the first get together after the band was christened "Skepsis". so all the more special. i couldn't wait to play the drums (bang them some of you hecklers might like to point out.....) i was about to reach the rehearsal room (umm, that will be the SAC for PICT students...hehehhehe...........) from my office. and i could already hear the drums pounding and the distortion guitar going bonkers all the way to the ground floor(SAC is on the 2nd floor). i broke into a run from my slow canter (yeah the building foundations were shaking and vibrating.) and just managed to reach the room as the song ended. man, what a great feeling, they all jumped up and it was all hugs and high fives and mano cornutas for some time. it just felt great to be back doing what i completely love doing (that is playing music you hecklers...........) and with people i love the most. and just because i work in a software company(yaaaaawwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnn!!) they made me feel that i have grown old , just because i have started working and that they needed a younger manager (and they started panting after this welcome session whereas i was still on my feet and well after that marathon run from the main lobby to the SAC........who has grown old??......;).................).

well after the ceremony and the updates were over, we got back to the playing part. they were preparing some "scorpions " song (who are they???.................:).....). well, i said , lets hear it. and after those initial checks it began. slow, heavy metal song, overdriven guitar interludes, melodious vocals and very distinct, energetic drums. all band members very attentively on their instruments and playing their parts to perfection, getting a feel for the music. tears welled up in my eyes, and i made no attempt to stop them from rolling down my cheeks. i felt like a proud father, looking at his son clutching a trophy won at the school track and field meet. this band had been my dream ever since i had started playing drums. i had always wanted to express what i felt through music, but then you need people who share the same views and understand what you want to say. the two years i spent trying to find the right guys for this project really tested my patience and the truth of my goal. or shall we call it youthful ambition? and today that patience and struggle had brought my dream to fruition. i was just so happy to be with these guys again. but soon enough, i had to wipe the tears cause Chirayu (that bugger..........grrrrr) needed help with the vocals (that means pure amplification.........in other words shouting!) so i had to step in. pure ecstasy. "fight, baby fight, i will win back your love again......................" so went the lyrics and i could just feel Klaus Meine take form inside me. the exhilaration in the song was just unsurpassed. unadulterated and fiercely passionate. and the joy was too much to take. i shouted, jumped danced around the place, prompted and egged people on during their parts.......it was just like it felt i was in seventh heaven. "i'm still loving you........................." and the guitar solo there was just the perfect form of expression i needed, words would have definitely fallen short. and we all understood what it meant for us without saying a single word. the song ended (i didn't want it to, really no......) and it took me a few seconds to take in all those moments of joy , made even sweeter by the long wait. it couldn't have been better. the perfect start. to a perfect journey?? the recording studios, the album releases , the playing arenas , the sellout tours?? i am already day dreaming about what it could go on to be. but only time was going to give the answer..............till then this is where "home" exists for me........................hey dudes, lets take that song once again from the top and Shankar, better get that second drum roll right..............!!

some favourite songs.................direct dil se!!!

well, apart from rest of the junk i have put down , this one is going to be updated for the rest of my life and i guess it helps people get a grip of rock music(i do not care even if it does not!!). so i listed down some of my favourite tracks. hope you enjoy listening to these when as and when you lay your hands on them(following songs are not in order of preference or anything. i am just jotting them down as i remember them):

metallica:
nothing else matters
st. anger
battery
enter sandman
sad but true
the unforgiven (1 &2)
the god that failed
astronomy
so what
turn the page
whiskey in the jar
sweet amber
frantic
fade to black
for whom the bell tolls
fuel
the memory remains
the call of the ktulu
i disappear

guns n roses:
november rain
don't cry
knockin on heavens door
paradise city
sweet child of mine

black sabbath:
ironman
sabbath bloody sabbath
paranoid
fx

ozzy osbourne:
killer of giants (amaaaaaaaaaaaaazing song!!)
ironhead


deep purple:
smoke on the water
woman from tokyo
fireball
hush
child in time
highway star

bon jovi:
keep the faith
keep on rocking in the free world
its my life
something to believe in
wanted dead or alive
someday i will be saturday night
everyday
bad medicine

iron maiden:
fear of the dark
the trooper
bring your daughter....
reincarnation of benjamin breeg
blood brothers

scorpions:
still loving you
rock you like a hurricane
big city nights
holiday
i'm leaving you
winds of change
send me an angel

system of a down:
aerials
streamline
spiders
chopsuey
psycho
war
boom
toxicity

aerosmith:
jaded
dream on
sweet emotion
kings and queens
crazy
i don't wanna miss a think
girls of summer
walk in the sand
angels 2000
spider man ost mix

linkin park:
crawling
in the end
by myself
runaway
points of authority(great song)
numb
easier to run
cure for the itch
place for my head
figure
where'd you go(fort minor)
remember the name(fort minor)
99 problems/ points of authority (collision course)
what i've done
papercut

limp bizkit:
nookie
my way
my generation
rollin(both versions)
re-arranged
break stuff
jump around
behind blue eyes
counterfeit
take a look around

korn:
twisted transistor
dead bodies everywhere

creed:
higher
with arms wide open
what if
don't stop dancing
my sacrifice
my own prison
human clay
to whom it may concern
faceless man

megadeth:
a tout le monde
tornado of souls
symphonies of destruction
holy wars

dream theater:
home
ytse jam
erotomania
voices
disappear
scarred
jaws of life
glasgow kiss
damage control
animate-inanimate
wishful thinking

ac/dc:
stiff upper lip
hells bells
rock and roll ain't noise pollution
tnt
touch too much
give the dog a bone

evanescence:
my immortal (band version)
bring me to life
going under
tourniquet
hello
imaginary
everybody's fool
taking over me

godsmack:
vampires
voodoo
i stand alone
bad religion
re-align
awake
alive
going down
serenity

nirvana:
smells like teen spirit
come as you are
lithium
the man who sold the world
dumb

bryan adams:
summer of 69
cuts like a knife
when you're gone
only thing that looks good on me is you
cant stop this thing we started
dont give it up
everything i do
18 till i die
best of me

pink floyd:
another brick in the wall
run like hell
hey you
comfortably numb
thin ice
wish you were here
empty spaces
goodbye cruel world
young lust

apocalyptica:
all metallica covers, esp one, nothing else matters etc
prologue
faraway
cohkka
drive
heat
torreador 2
pandemonium
perdition

alter bridge:
broken wings
one day remains
open your eyes
metalingus
shed my skin

nickelback:
how you remind me
someday
too bad
hero
yankin out my

hoobastank:
the reason
disappear
losing my grip
running away
crawling in the dark
same direction

the rasmus:
first day of my life
in the shadows
the funeral song

p.o.d.:
youth of the nation
set it off
america(with carlos santana)

chris daughtry:
home(accoustic)
crashed
what i want (featuring slash)

coldplay:
yellow
clocks
the scientist
trouble

joe satriani:
satch boogie
war
starry night
top gun anthem(all time fav)

marty friedman:
saturation point
the ninja

eric clapton:
tears in heaven
layla
cocaine
hey hey
wonderful tonight

dire straits/ mark knopfler;
brothers in arms
sultans of swing
money for nothing
romeo and juliet

pearl jam:
alive
last kiss

slayer:
angel of death
raining blood
war ensemble
mandatory suicide
altar of sacrifice
anti christ
jesus saves

lamb of god:
now you've got something to die for
redneck
ruin
as the palaces burn
blacken the cursed sun
pathetic

shadows fall:
another hero lost
the power of i and i
idiot box
what drives the weak

rush:
tom sawyer
2112
spirit of radio
mystic rhythms
free will
driven
closer to the hear




and many more........they just keep coming

40 is cooooooooool.........!!!!!!!

before you start scratchin your head as to whether i have gone bonkers, let me clarify that i have not visited an old age home and neither have i taken a liking to the archtypical software engineers' life where at the age of 40 you have loads of everything. far from it. this is not concerned with age in any way, its something about speed. i know speed and 40 don't quite sound right next to each other , but relax. answers are on their way.

well, lets take it from the top. my roomie just got a new bike on saturday. one of those "definitely male" ones......(cliched ain't it?.........hehehehe). great looking bike, all black, digital show-off-meter, blah,blah. and my dear roomie is a known nerdie for rules and instructions(has read each and every instruction manuals.....such habits get embedded when you read too many rfc's.....;)....).

well getting on with what i wanted to talk, this roomie is a stickler for instructions. and the manual says (loudly in bold letters....) "drive at the speed of 40 for the first 500 kms". and so goes the tale, like it ever started. sunday morning and we get the new member of our family (i am not joking..."he" is a very important part of the family......."his" food comes at 50 bucks per litre........!!!) out of the garage, clean and fire it up. and then out on the road to show off. but 'twas the day everything seemed to be going wrong. we are being overtaken left and right, by slower and smaller bikes and other forms of transport(human and inhuman....hehehhe). we were overtaken by a six seater for chrissakes!!! i felt like wearing a paper bag on my face with two eyes bored out in it. it was terribly embarrassing. and no matter how much i rambled about how we could go a bit fast and how being very rigid with the speeds could be bad for the bike, nobody was giving it any ear.

roomie not budging, a straight face and the dialogue," i have paid my hard earned money and i'm not about to f*** it up.", kept him going and me ruing. but then i actually speaking it wasn't that bad(aren't i just being stupid?!). i mean when you drive in pune's traffic you really appreciate the fact that you are alive when you get home. also that nothing from the bike has been chopped off. and the slow speed does help. correcting the mistakes others have created, changing lanes illegally, swearing with a sense of drama and pride (cause you think you are driving slow and that is the right thing to do!!!!). and the fun part is , you can check out all the chicks on f.c. road real close and nice......hehehhehehehhe.........

but the best bit came by when we were returning to our haven (i meant our home, not a beer bar...:).....). the roads were wide open, very less traffic and warm wind gushing all over you (and messing up your hair style). but then as we cruised on the university road, it felt like there's no tomorrow. the feeling was amazing. of course the adrenaline rush was nowhere like the royal enfield thunderbird which roared to 110kph with little effort and gave the riders (thats us!!!) some snob value in the eyes of the commoners,(rather there was nothing like an adrenaline rush....) but the dopamine(thats the pleasure stuff) levels in my blood were stratospheric(proving that sex and food are not the only best methods to generate bucketloads of that). i just felt like i had to keep going. no worries , no tensions, just pure unadulterated pleasure. all at the speed of 40!!!!!!!! why do we ride any faster....hehehehhehehheh....

just cause everyone does??? answers, if any are not at all expected and should be kept at your anonymous selves. click click boom and off i go.........!!!

Question and quest........

clouds in the sky,
same as those questions, my mind is clouded by.
will it or will it not?
can i or i just back off?
questions , doubts and questions again.
they crowd driving me insane.
things in life every minute happen.
and every minute brings another question con el.
love, work, fun ...might seem fine
but all seems to go wrong with time.
cause as the clock ticks by,
and the questions crowd your eye
mind stops thinking, starts to whine
why am i not working?
adds another question,
have i run out of time?

Blurry......................

sitting on a bench,
empty , soul less.
faces pass by, known unknown.
and offer kind words.
but not the touch i long for.
in life's backstage, i search for my rose.
a divine blaze in which i can search myself.
it'll shield me from the vagaries outside,
and quell the storm within.
for i'm unstable, perturbed.
in an illusionary world of my own, a daydream.
suddenly i'm awake,
and i see the sun rise.
does that bring a new ray of hope,
or just another day of loneliness??

Liquor on ur mind.................?!

well, this must have been an oft discussed topic, but still i want to write about this. last friday, a friend finally agreed to treat us for two crimes he had commited: he was born in that very month 21 years ago and that he is the topper from our college. after two days of begging and cajoling about things ranging from friendship to professionalism and the salary amount lying in his bank account, there was a thaw in this ice. well we had no idea what the treat would turn out to be, but when we finally came to know, i saw that the boys had decided to grow up(silence please.....explanations on the way). a well known joint on the outskirts of the town, which was a pain to get to, was the venue and we hardly managed to reach there at 9 when the agreed meeting time was 8. well, unimportant crap aside, what the joint served was far more interesting. smoky aam-biance, rock music (with the volume control taken to max and then the knob removed and thrown into the sea)...and some of the most amazing cocktails you could ever lay your hands on. the price tags were stratospheric. but we were being treated, weren't we?

the drinks flowed with the usual smokes . it was all fun and games till we were just enjoying the environs.but then as by one the blabber mouths started opening under the influence of that wonderful "go 2 hell",it was raining revelations would be an understatement for what we heard. folks talking about their personal lives, about their past experiments(...........!) with liquor and smoke and what not. for chrissakes,one of my friends was foremost in this and for 3 years i thought that he was the straightest guy in class!!!! but then we reveled in the discussions where we came to know(thank god for the liquor) what we thought about each other and all for the good. what we wanted the others to change and the reciprocation , who we hated and liked, our attitudes towards our parents and everything that we would not even think about alone was becoming a public affair.

and that brings me to the question for the umpteenth time(since i have consumed the heavenly fluids for the [umpteen-1] times in my life...........:)..........), does it really help to drink liquor and have a likewise company. of course liquor is bad if taken the way shown in those huge quantities (as has been glorified in the American pie series.............heheh.......).but is it unethical to have a meeting over a round of rum or rye? do those rigid bounds put on us by our parents (and strictly enforced...) turn us towards liquor in a more anti-social way? and are beer drinking pals any worse than what you would normally have? why the taboo? right now i am too drunk to think about what i have ranted , but then are you??? till you think, lets down another round of that "go 2 hell" yaar............cheers!!!!!!

Heavy metal................music is it ?

scenario 1: though i m not a singer (at all), i have a habit of humming my favourite songs rather aloud.thus goes the case when one day i was at the top of my "vocal" artistry singing the " na na-na-na........." part of the song "the memory remains" by metallica. and a very good friend of mine (bastard.........grrrrrr) just stood up to me and started impersonating a beggar. well we all had a good laugh and claps, but then when i asked him why he did that, he said "abe kya gaana hai woh......pehle pagal log tere muh pe chilla ke jaate hain fir ek buddhi aake tera dimag kharab karti hai". i was quite taken aback by this as the song is one of my absolute favourites and such thoughts did not once enter my mind even when i heard the song for the first time.

scenario 2: as you have discovered i made a mess(with the help of my buddies) of a legendary song, but my skills with the pen and paper are better than my vocal cord stretching ones. so from time to time i "re-image" my thoughts onto paper and the maintain some sort of diary log. after a while, you think what is the use of writing all this if no one is going to read it (i won't cause i wrote it.......;).....). and since i am a huge (literally and figuratively) rock fan, the influence was straight-a-way evident on my writing. poems(...!) about human misery, sufferings and in the good old way of " sticking it to the man" became my topics of choice. then just to get an opinion as to how good they were, i showed the written crap (oh so sorry my poems i would never call you that........plz!!!) to a very trusted friend (mind you she was a girl). and into the first verse she was on the verge of freaking out. she did not even care to read the 3rd para and beyond. she looked at me with dagger-filled eyes and said "how old are you bey?....kuch bhi sochta rehta hai. write something good na , like about love and life. yeh kya har jagah pe ronaa - dhonaa marnaa-kaatnaa laga rakha hai."

scenario 3 : this is small though. i wanted to be friends with this girl (nothing very serious...:)........it was online......). and we were just discussing our interests. the moment i said i was into rock and metal , the chat window showed " signed out". hhehehehehe.

well, the scenarios can go on and on, but then at one point i had to say stop. what the heck, i mean, what is the problem with people. well lets get realistic, the lyrics are sad and painful. yeah and what about those hindi song lyrics , which are very cheery but completely useless and sad sometimes but utterly meaningless. the music is "too loud". well, what about those himmesh reshammiya songs that you absolutely adore. ok, the language is difficult and the pronounciation is beyond grasp. but metal music is genuine and the lyrics and the music is written by the band members themselves. technically its very demanding and the instrumentalists are really very skilled. ask anybody in your vicinity who plays any instrument as to who is his idol and i am pretty sure that the names he/she will list down will mostly be rock artists.

the lyrics talk about everyday life. life is more made up of pain than of success and happiness. it is this pain that rock celebrates because ultimately it leads to perseverance and that leads to success. rock talks about failed love, dreams and aspirations, lives of people, young life and adventure, addictions and realisations ................just everything that a normal man is bound to encounter in his life.and still it is tabooed so to say by the very f***in "normal man". another bone of contention is the life styles of rock stars . their drug addictions, the way they carry themselves, the excesses(they own an aircraft, wasn't that your dream too??). well, these guys are under under tremendous strain , while touring around the world (touring for them is not a family trip.....its the hardest time for them, being away from family and friends for months at end) or while recording at the studio. no, surprises then that most rock stars are billionaires and they like to splurge their money even if it buys them some moments of happiness. and lets be frank about drugs and liquor. how many of us have not had liquor in high school or college at party's and farewells .that too just for fun.and how many of us have seen best friends (read band members) leaving forever, heartbroken or dying in front of us. and how many of us ever did anything creative after getting high (on alcohol or on cold drinks.............cause i dunno any drug addicts...........:P.....) frankly speaking , i see that we are lower than we thought.

but still the music is abhorred. my friends will keep joking about metal songs and i will be there to take that and smile back falsely at them. but hey, who cares. i am 21, hooked on to rock which is all about " sticking it to the man" and doing what you want to with out worrying for the world. so i'm going to get stoned(which means something by the way........) and put on my stereo loaded with "st. anger" , turn off the lights and then ............off to never never land.......ciao.......till then you can keep enjoyin your wannabe rockstars.........how abyssmal and cliched!!!!