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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Happy Birthday Myles.........

Well, we are late as ever. But not by much....as we are about to interview the famous Pulsar 180 DTS-i, Myles (M)......owned by some jerk called Manan Dedhia. Myles just celebrated his first birthday on the 27th of April 2009 and we, The StinkWheel Magazine (SW) had the honour of snapping up a first and quick interview with this zing thing!

SW: Millions of best wishes, belatedly....... your first birthday. How do you feel, a year older?
M: Its just been a year, but the way i am ridden and places i have been to make me feel like a year is a tad too less. Imagine shoving a bulk of 90kgs and doing 100kms a day..........makes your back ache just listening to it, doesn't it?

SW : Oh boy! thats some load! But you are no slouch either! Those plentiful 180 ceecees and 150 kg dry weight must have given your owner, Manan, some wet pants?
M: oh yeah! Several! Just this afternoon, on the way to Paud.........missed a stupid Toyota Camry by a whisker........the fat ass knows to speed up. Control, well thats a different story.

SW : Interesting to hear that on your owner! What is he? a complete fag?
M: No, no no no! Don't get me wrong here. He takes care of me with all his heart. But just the fact that he isn't very gentle with his riding style.

SW: Even so, some pleasant memories?
M : Oh ...oh yeah! Lotsa them.........The Chateau Indage trip, Pune-Kolhapur-Pune speed run, Purandar and Mulshi .......the last one was amazing until the time the robbers struck.

SW: Bloody hell! You were robbed!
M : Oh, just of a fuel pipe. Got that bit from a group of bikers passing from there. But from all the things that Manan tells me, he and his friends seem to have lost a lot of stuff......poor chaps!

SW : Oh and these bruises? these look fresh..........Like to tell us about them?
M : Yeah, but not with a lot of pleasure.....thats from an accident.......vividly remember that one.......the night of 16th December according to the human calendar........Me and Manan hit the deck hard trying to avoid a bunch of assholes who were moonlighting at 12 in the night, with no head lights on the wrong side of the road. We did suffer a lot of bruises, but luckily no fatal injuries.

SW : What was the worst?
M : I bent both my bull bars and also ended up twisting the gear lever and Manan had 5 stitches on the sole of his left foot. Recovery time was around 17 days.

SW : Well, those were the highlights, the special days.......what about routine life? How is it in Pune?
M : Well don't even get me started on this fucking topic! For starters, Puneites, and i hate to say this, lack traffic sense. Period. Not even a little bit. No telling who will show his/her headlight from which side. Not blaming it on the vehicles of course, the owners are the culprits. Almost every vehicle carries bruises like me or even worse. Whats more they are never kept clean, never serviced, not cared for etc etc............fucking owner cunts! I am very fortunate to have a caring owner.........gives me a bath every Saturday and wipes me clean everyday.

SW : Wowowowow! That was acerbic........is it so bad?
M : Yes it is....you just have to spend one day here and the halogen will shine on you. I have the privilege of riding on some of Pune's least crowded and smoothest roads. But not all. And the heart of the city is a chaos locomotive. With some really bad roads.

SW : well, enough of this serious stuff......banter time now. Any dream dates?
M : Nah, not as yet............once i was parked next to a gorgeous VFR, but the bulk of it gave me creeps. I think , an MV Agusta or a Ducati would give my gear lever the ride kind of vibes.

SW : Any awkward moments?
M : ummmm..............a sort of drunk dog trying to find a place to let loose his goose. Had to choose between my rear wheel and the lamp post. Thankfully the light chose to shine in his head rather brightly.

SW : Any angry ones?
M : Yeah, i think thats the thing you feel when the they try to pull the umbilical cord out and empty my tank of all the Petrol it has. Felt like running over his dick with the load of two Manan's sitting on my back.

SW : Favourite road in Pune?
M: oh yeah... definitely.......the piece of tarmac which links FC Road and Law College Road, sweeping past the BMCC gates. That is a killer stretch, the incarnation of Monica Belucci in tar world. Just try riding there when it is pitch dark. The way the reflectors on the road light the way up is just beautiful. Not to mention the high speed curves and the blind bends. Its a little dangerous at that time, but very rewarding nevertheless.

SW : Favourite Color?
M: Ok dimwit.....lets play Guess the Shade..........will give u some clues...........Ferrari, strawberry, Ducati, blood and the hue of your ass after i hit it with an iron rod..........that enough?

SW : Drink???
M : Ummm.........tuffie..........haven't tried bio-ethanol as yet, but i think "Sizzle", comprising of Castrol 4T engine oil and Bardahl oil supplement has been the best.

SW : Top figure on the speedometer? When and where?
M: Thats easy........120 kph on the way to Kolhapur from Pune. On the section between Karad and Kolhapur, Vinay on his Pulsar 200 and Manan piloting me, went completely crazy. Hitting speeds like never before. The 200 did 124 kays per hour.

SW: And the slowest?
M : Hahahaa........the several times i have been to Agdi Bhargachch Chowk.... the needle does not seem to climb 2000 revs. And thats sad. All pain, no gain.

SW : Dream run...from where to where? And why?
M : The Konkan ghats. If the tarmac is good, i think that would be the ride of a life time. At least for me. Or maybe a high speed run from Pune to Bangalore. The 4 lane highway is already in place there. Maybe a ride to the Khardungla Pass?

SW : Hmmm.....so to put it into perspective, 9000+ kms of city and highway riding.......how does it all measure up?
M : Put it into perspective..........sometimes you do sound as cocky as Manan.......put into perspective, one word for the journey......etc etc............well i was made to be ridden.....fast and hard and show off my bling........i do that.........the rest is left to the owner.......as long as he takes care of me. And the way i am made. I mean the gear box problem has been a long standing issue but thats about it. All i can say is 9000 kms and still going strong.

So that was it.....the word by word account of our chat with the speed sensation, Myles.........see you again, not too soon i hope.......Ride fast and safe.......

Monday, April 20, 2009

Worlds apart...........

I stood in the balcony. Couldn't have the shirt on. It was fricking hot. The body all sticky and smelly with sweat.And standing in that balcony gave a sense of being trapped between two worlds. The warm air from the room gently perspiring my back. And the rare waft of cool breeze from outside, brushing against my face whenever it got the opportunity to.

Two worlds, two choices. One had to be done away with. The cool breeze is instantly inviting. for a leisurely walk. Through the streets, the heart of the neighborhood. With tall trees standing guard, sentinels protecting the huge cement superstructures. And the endless, peaceful silence. Where one could hear his own heart beat.

Or the warm room. Bearing the brunt of the brutal summer. Unbearable. With books all around. Study. Work. Make. Plan.The fan sending down blasts of hot air with a methodical, rhythmic whirring sound. The computer spewing out some melodies.Clothes lying around. The books in the rack, gathering dust.Smiling faces, staring from the shaky frame. The ever present creaking of the door, diabolical. Weary.......

Then the lights on my phone go up and it rings. Her voice is always so soothing. So clear, you could almost see yourself in reflection. And then the two worlds make no difference. For some time, i am free from the two obvious choices i see. I have secretly created for myself, the third. And i cling on to it as hard as i can. Anchor my stricken ship to that rock until the tide beckons. For that stretch of time, those many ticks of the watch-arms, i am liberated from mortal sights and sounds. For then, i can only feel a bright light around me, enveloping my world. And no more do i choose to wake up from that elysian feeling. At least till the sky sees an orange shade. For then, my world is perfect.Functions as i want it to. Obeys. Me........

The sun must then but rise. And with it brings the omnipotent question, the persistent choice, around again. And this time there is no escape. Forget or remember? Surrender or struggle? Win or lose?

Thursday, April 9, 2009

25 random things about me....

Well, time to enlist. Lets see.........

1. I like being alone. Doing nothing. Sitting in front of my laptop and maybe watching the same movie over and over again. Chances are good that it might be "Remember the Titans".

2. I am neither practical nor emotional. I try to keep a good balance between the two, but it always ends up completely wrong.

3. I like to put people around me at complete ease. I go to great lengths to achieve that.

4. I am hardly possessive about anything, except maybe my bike (..............that too very little.....). Sometimes i am troubled by this fact. But not so much as to lose any sleep over it. The only real exception to this is my Mclaren Mercedes cap. A heartfelt ........."Sorry Komu............!"

5. Music, truly my life. As much as this fact is well known, i can't seem to be emphatic enough about it. I really hope that i end up like Lars Ulrich and that Skepsis plays to 50,000 fans every night.

6. I love head banging and going to gigs. Even if the gigs turn out to be shitty (....very rarely, but yeah they do happen......)......i still enjoy the hell out of them!

7. I hate hurting people. Even if i am being hurt in the bargain.

8. I used to be short tempered and a PhD in profanities. Heavy metal music solved the temper problem.......:D......the profanities have remained stead fast though.

9. I am an epicure as well as a good cook. This definitely is self praise, but it is also the truth.

10. A total chocolate buff! Am targetting the record for maximum Cad-B's in one go right now.......

11. I love cars and bikes. Have probably dreamed every night about them for the last 10 years.
My scariest moment came when i revved the Hayabusa hard in the first gear. I have never been near one again.

12. I pick things up with ease. And become really good at them. It is the sustaining that has proved hard.

13. I survive on adrenaline. When the testorsterone levels in my bloodstream are high, do i get the feeling that i am living life at the fullest and also think and act better. Things done in that mode are memorable.

14. I am used to being taken for granted. It does not hurt anymore. Or rather i am immune to that pain.

15. I am very bad at writing reviews. About anything..............

16. I am a fluid liar. Or rather used to be.

17. I detest flirting around or "checking" girls out for the fun of it. I think it is a senseless way to pass your time and in some cases extremely offensive.

18. I have a police record.

19. Act now, think later or never......has always been my motto when executing things.

20. I kid myself that i can someday compose poetry like the English greats and stand shoulder to shoulder in the pages of literature history with Wordsworth and Keats (......my favourites....)

21. My dream garage would hold the following : MV Agusta F4 Serie Oro, Mclaren F1 LM, Rolls Royce Phantom and the Lamborghini Murcielago.

22. I am a die hard Mclaren fan and hence naturally abhor Ferrari. Mika Hakkinnen is my hero. I don't like that crooked faced Michael Schumacher even though he is, statistically, the greatest driver in F1. Have been involved in a lot of fights and arguments over this with countless people.

23. I have a problem with authority. All they do is try to pin me down. (Thats what i feel anyways)

24. Exaggeration for me is the essence of writing. Subtlety for now, is just the subtle variation in exaggeration.

25. I want my blog to have more visitors. But i also feel that advertising my blog is cheap and should not be done..........:D

I do not know if these are THE 25 things to be penned or whatever. But i leave it unto others to decide. Thanks Indi.

Friday, April 3, 2009

New Model, Original Parts.......

Well, that title does put you off, doesn't it? Sounds like another cheesy punchline.......which does not do anything to elevate the sense of urgency in you to go and grab a ticket to watch this one. Fortuantely, the prequels to this movie have done more than enough to ensure that the production and distribution costs are recovered at least twice over.

"The Fast and The Furious 4...........New Model, Original Parts."......sounds a bit uncool when put next to say, The Fast and the Furious, 2 fast 2 furious and The fast and the furious Tokyo Drift. The biggest problem for this film is going to be living upto the fame and charm of the earlier movies. Yes it has a lot of cars. And yes, Vin Diesel is back with the uber cool Paul Walker and the uber hot Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster. The amazing muscle cars featured here ('72 Ford Gran Torino....the baddy's car and the Chevelle SS....Vin Diesels ride.... look so amazing.....) and the romance with the japanese rice rockets continues (Nissan Skyline GTR, Honda NSX, Subaru Impreza...). But will it still blow my head off with the breath taking quarter mile drags, drifts, customisations and music from the first three parts? Lets take a look.

The story begins with another robbery.....obviously carried out by Vin Diesel and Family. A cameo appearance by "Haan" from Tokyo Drift and Paul Walker is back in FBI. And how ghastly does Paul look in a cheap FBI suit!!! I almost threw up! He was the one who made that whole street racer look so cool to so many million kids all around the world. Seeing him in that half ass suit was painful. Well, then Vins' girl friend, Letty is murdered by a drug dealer and this is the same drug dealer that Paul is trying to pin down. So their paths are set for a collision course, en route to finding their marker.

But the story isn't the appeal. The cars, the races and the tongue in the cheek humor are. And thats plenty in this movie. Be it the opening robbery sequence, then the race sequence in the city , the race to cross the border with drugs and the end sequence. All keep you on the edge of the seat. Proper FnF style. The soundtrack is not all that impressive. The music keeps fading in and out randomly, no new punchy songs. That was a let down. Also the editing on this one was weak. The movie could have been much more gripping, had the editing and the direction been a little better. Make no mistake though, Justin Lin has done his best as the director, but when you compare it to its elder brothers, it comes out as a bit of a loser.

Still, i would definitely recommend this movie. Its still cool, super cool. The cars, girls, drugs, dialogues, some emotions .....everything. Something that a automobile junkie should not miss. If you enjoyed the first three parts, then with a little more patience, you will definitely like this one too. And yes, it did blow my head off. Maybe not as comprehensively as the first 3 parts, but as a movie, yes.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Just say "Oui"....wtf?!

This post is a little more profane and obscene than you might like it. So if you are not liberal enough, please do not proceed any further. And if you still have the balls to, do not blame me for the consequences.

There are some things that i have a pathological hatred for. French, the language, just happens to be one of them. It might be touted as the most romantic language ever, but thats just cause like all French girls, super models and prostitutes, its beauty is only skin deep. Have come to this conclusion after a long and hard epoch of farting, gulping gallons of water, cursing etc etc........ Let me put this into a small little story for you.

The earliest ancestors or should i say, the progenitors of the French were two males. Which directly makes them homosexual. But thats just a fact to state. More of an eulogy to the French. The more important point here is, each of these cunts had one sense missing out of the total 5. The first man, called Jacque was a deaf dimwit and the other , Edouard was a blind half ass. Now since neither knew nothing else except sexual innuendo, gestures and acts, they decided to invent a language.

Hence, Jacque the Deaf wrote the words (with the alphabets stolen from somewhere) and did not care to know how would any son-of-a-......... (well, let me know of one animal that the French do not tear apart and eat with a voracious appetite) pronounce it. And the other dickhead, Edouard (he could not see his head.....he was blind....:D) just blurted out whatever came to his mind, without caring to ask Jacque what he had pen-puked on the wall.

And so came to be French, a language whose written words and spoken words have no connection what-so-fucking-ever! And to add some puddle to the shit pudding, the French people are proud of it......yeah sure.........as proud as they are for inventing the guillotine.

The French population, might have originated as and when Jacque and Edouard, tired of fucking each other, broke off and went and humped some real girls from the neighbouring countries. A success of their charm and bravery, you see, which carries on unto this day.

So, i love the Paris postcards, with the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre and also the skimpily clad beautiful girls that have made this country famous (other than its vast and deep history). But thanks to Jacque and Edouard, i despise their language.