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Thursday, October 27, 2011

Fuck the hybrid!

An absolute rant coming up. Brace up and if you are going to complain, I suggest you shut your stupid whining horizontal vagina up.

This is the last time I am going to speak on this topic, hopefully. Next time, I start shooting people with water guns and eggs or something. Hybrids are stupid. Stupid as a dodo. As stupid as Michelle Bachmann. Or maybe a little less. Prius or Insight or Doodly fucking doo dah! Hybrids just do not make sense!

Lets start with the overall fuel economy. That is a good starting point, as that is where this argument usually starts. A Prius can give you 45mpg tops. Even with the most feather footed of drivers, it cannot possibly give more. This is not an empty statement. Car magazines and programmes all over this planet have tested and confirmed this fact. A Volkswagen Golf Blue Motion TDI on the other hand, is capable of doing 80 mpg. Talk to Top Gear if you need proof. Or search on Youtube for "Top Gear economy run". Or any magazine for that matter. An internal combustion diesel with clever electronics is capable of more than that miserable plastic lunch box. What an insufferable car!

Driving pleasure is up next. Now, I know, half the people will want to watch porn by the time they get here. But yeah, to people who really care how their car rides, again these Hybrids come up short. Stupid tardy shoe boxes, with suspension that is too saggy, weight distribution completely fucked up and steering response that is as quick as a tortoise trying to raise its paw, it holding the title for a true drivers car is not going to be a reality any time soon.

Ah, and my favourite is the price thing. I tried this out for myself and found results astonishing. A completely specced up Volkswagen Jetta will cost you $30,000. And guess what is the price for a base model Prius? Stopped yapping about hybrids yet, hmmm? Whimpering maniacal buttmunches!

Last but not the least. The proverbial white elephant in the room. Pollution. Isn't that why you bought a Prius instead of a Nissan Altima or a Toyota Matrix or a Honda Accord or a Ford Focus? 'Cause it is green. 'Cause it produces less CO2 in the city cycle and less CO2 overall. True. On paper, a Prius beats a Golf/Jetta on emissions. But let me ask you, what are the emissions involved in the manufacture of a Nickel battery? And not just emissions, water and soil pollution too. Did you think of that you old cunt? This is even assuming the fact that the rest of the emissions for manufacturing the entire car is same for both makes.

You bought a hybrid because the world says it is cool to own one. Because the government in its infinite insipidity says that it is a greener option. Because hybrid owners get some tax cuts. In heavily congested cities like London, hybrid owners do not pay congestion tax. And because of your lazy and crooked ass logic, that you are doing your part in saving this planet from certain annihilation when you say, "oh, I drive a hybrid". Fuck you, you dumbass hypocrite! Because all you care about is that you reach from A to B. Because you are as bland and obtuse as your choice of wheels. That is a fact. Face it. Eat it. Tastes terrible, doesn't it?

And now, before you go and try to throw up, here is the last nail in your coffin.Watch it, you disagreeing wanker!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Winter Sunshine

Twinkle in through the window
and rustle up a warm hand
soothing my creased neck

Oh the comfort of the warm scarf
running over my brow
I know this is a goodbye
good bye for a long time

Take away, my relief
for ever longer nights
have me yearn increasing

For some time quotidian
you will greet me through the window
With a cold hand and frost smile

No soothing of the creased brow
no cure, i wonder now
what they say about distance

And longing forsaken
But I shall not beg,for I now,
that when the landscape melts
You will kiss my brow again.

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Golden Threshold

Just finished reading "The Golden Threshold" by the Nightingale of India, Sarojini Naidu (Indians who do not know this, I have a new sobriquet for you - dunder headed morons and you do not deserve to read this). And I want to summarize it in 4 words - Do not read it.

Don't read it, if you are the type who writes "ur" and "f9" given the slightest of chances.

Don't read it, if you start reading a book after looking at the total number of pages.

Don't read it, if you have the attention span of a rodent.

Don't read it, if Times of India is your favourite newspaper.

Don't read it, if you cannot spell archaic.

Don't read it, if your shallow brain is going to squint and squirm every time it encounters the word "breast" and "girt".

Don't read it, if you do not have the humility and feel the necessity to use a dictionary.

But, if none of the above concerns you, do read this. This volume deserves to be read. It is literally poetic persona par excellence. It is an enthralling journey of her mind, through her life and events and places around her. Dark in places and bright as the sun in others. It will take time and effort to understand what she is saying, but believe you me, when the feeling hits home, its more than worth it. O Nightingale, take a bow. And then some.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Autumn breeze.....

Autumn breeze,
take my nightmares away.

Befriend the leaves
red and gold,
sharing stories
Tales of joy and woe and wrath.

Unwind the intertwine,
where rooted they stay;
Words and pictures blur
to live is to go away.

Accept if you please,
this burdenous gift.
In debt I will remain,
separate on our paths, we will drift.

Beg the sun
burn those threads off,
and let the autumn breeze
take my nightmares away.

Leaves red and gold,
I bid you fair journey and good bye,
fly away to greater land
Be at peace and so shall I.

Friday, October 7, 2011

What music?

Fact : Bands from Sweden never suck. They play some of the best music that is out there. Take any one for example : Abba, Yngwie Malmsteen or Meshuggah. ( I saw three examples to come out of Sweden-land : Arch Enemy, Katatonia and Opeth and yeah, fact confirmed)There is something in the water and air of that land that lends them their amazing musical abilities. Of course, the government there has arranged for a lot of low price jam pads and gig opportunities which is the biggest impetus any musician can get. All in all, a pretty successful operation.

And from this field of gold, once in a lifetime there is found a diamond, Opeth. Starting out where every kid in Sweden starts out, that is , Swedish death metal, Opeth were soon at the forefront of that. But when they emerged from the landscape and found their identity, they incorporated every influence they could find on the way. Jazz, punk, folk, classical, everything. Their music is described by someone as a "journey through sonic landscapes, ambient scenes, stoner metal riff columns, long solos, all of which can be punctuated by death metal savagery at any given point of time." And that adequately sums it up.

Opeth are not purists of any sort. They are a mish mash of all the music they grew up hearing. Which is why some people cannot seem to get their head around them. Which is why, I love them. This is the band that gave us albums like Blackwater Park and Damnation, Still Life and My Arms, your Hearse. Talk about amazing musicianship. For crying out loud.

To me personally, this band is exactly what I want to do. Be metal as fuck but still not sacrifice anything else that I wish to do with it. This is that band that made me believe that poetry does work, that heavy metal does not forsake lyrical excellence for its demonic sound. And neither does it have to be rooted into something to have an identity.

I was supposed to see this musical excellence personified in Chennai, India. But I did not. I rued that day and all time to come after that. Till today. 7th of October 2011. I got to see them here, in this city of water called Minneapolis. yes. As I will say, over and over again, redemption. A chance to see something that will truly live with me as long as I don't start forgetting. And even then, the music will never go away. And by the title of a song that they wrote, it has come full circle. Closure.

So, Mikael Akerfeldt, the man who is the face and voice and guitar and brain of Opeth, you have my congratulations, heartfelt thanks and best wishes. Keep rocking, John Johnson.