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Sunday, March 5, 2017


Today, now, I am happy.

Most days do not lead to this. Most days are made of check lists, tasks, regrets and memories.Missing family and friends. All drowned in the white noise of music.

In the cold isolation of this morning, the shadowy foreboding of the same still lurked. It is the baggage that I have accepted - that will not vanish. In the din of the game, in the middle of a hot cup of tea, the tedium that has visited on previous days, taps again on my shoulder. And as an old friends I hug it, falling into its familiar sentiment and trap.

This rapid descent was slowed by a few laughs and the brilliance of the sun coming through the full windows. Its cold outside, but I feel the warmth of the sun. Magnus Carlsen - I am introduced to this genius today. Familiarity with his name had helped me avoid the discovery of his person. To my own ignorance, to say the least. It is wondrous this revelation. The sun rises to mid day. I lie basking in its brilliance. And notice the shadows it casts. The rapid descent has been brought to a crawl.

I try to capture the shadows that are cast in my living room. The colors that are brought forth. And the objects that fall obscured by the wayside in the brilliance. Viewing through countless electrons, what I could see in plain sight, is for some profound reason extremely comforting. Maybe I have bent this device to my will. Meet Rene Redzepi of Noma. The crawl has diminished to barely understandable motion.

That this outsider with a potty mouth can create his own language, carve his own identity on a plate and serve it to whoever would dare. Listening to waves crash on the shore make sense in the very same way. It commands attention and focus. It asks for an open mind. It begs for innocence.

Yeast is well understood and still mysterious to me. Every time I see the risen dough, the facade of mystery falls away to push forth a smile. I don't want to know its nature - its function is all I need to know and harness. Kneading the dough, until smooth. And then proof.

I have come to a stop. There is nothing here. Nothing that I need to look for. I can just sit here and be. Its not unsettling anymore. I, just, am. My mind is at ease. My journey is at an end. I am happy.