Wednesday, March 26, 2008
static, just disturbance.
tuning the set to the ether.
frantic jabbing at the buttons.
no avail, can't find there.
can somebody tell me the station,
the voice that speaks of belonging.
the beep, i can hear the tone.
and then it hangs up.
anxiously i dial the numbers
and the levers deep plunge
but where is the lady who used to enquire
panacea to burning hearts.
mesh of wires,
bits down the optical drain.
nearer than near
farthest than far.
all we can do is,
peer through the glass at the distant star.
the touch of ether
the clouds ruling at peaks hem
they vanish when the
sun of reality dawns on them
where does dream end and belief begin
where does faith figure and what is sin?
doesn't living like that mean focusing on a blur
do we even know what we are living for?
what is real and what is fake,
when the debate demands "are you sleeping or are you awake?"
at 10:09 PM
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
two sleepless nights.
dont really know why. why the insomnia?
yeah a lot of things have been happening over the past couple of days.
but that should not have bothered my leviathan sleep.
cause the way this life has turned out to be, this should have been pretty normal.
then why now? why at this juncture, when everything seems to go right in the world?
when everyone around fells so near and precious?
when i can have all the world for myself and still want more?
is feeling so good such a crime? such a shift from normalcy that you are denied your sleep?
come to think of it, it is not. but in my case it is such an anomaly.
have to suss up to the fact that it might be so.
never have felt so good in my entire life.
some inkling, some loss, some negativity always lurking in those lanes.
lanes, which have never known bright, pure sunlight.
just some broken street light at the best.
and that shadow has somehow chased me to destinations unknown. helped me push myself to the limits.
such comfort, such luxury. hardly ever known.
good ? bad? have to decide as yet.
at 9:13 PM
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
i think this comes a tad too late. but for me, this is full circle. just being through the night of 28th of december was an experience in itself. but is more interesting is the impact it had on the people involved.
yeah a bit of background though. mood indigo. 28th december night. Shankar-ehsaan-loy blitzing everything in view. 3 hours of just making merry. being yourself. letting loose. exhausted. and then the spirits start breaking loose. from chasing dogs on the food court to mixing mangola in cappuccino for that "commemorative" drink. so hooked (or completely unhooked...............:D) were people it seems impossible for us to even imagine the things we did that night. no sleep in the eye, all 10-12 odd strong, our contingent was marching the streets of iit powai searching for something to do. the coffee shack at 2 am. and then the ncc grounds at 2:30am. the lunacy broke loose. it absolutely took over people. at first all avoided going beserk by wanting to run away......sorry muggya...........lolz.............but then once committed, people almost hung on till the end..........almost. Mosh, as metal heads know is a a very energetic and stress breaking routine in heavy metal. well, "Maush" is what we made of it and it takes stretches the envelope to some other universe. collective head banging. on-the-spot compositions. even chasing each other around the cricket pitch. dancing and mocking the opponents on every song identified. and getting to fists when the tables are turned on us. imagine a normal dumb charades game, then take the normalcy out of it and then take the madness in it and square it. multiply that by 100. now you are getting close to what went on during that night.
first the charades. and as if that wasn't physically tiring enough (yeah , vinay left at the end of it cause he was too tired!!!) a game of truth and dare (ok truth and truth ...............:D) followed. as if we had vowed not to let the adrenaline from the charades to go waste. the Coke bottle was the weapon of choice and when it spun it unraveled with it many things which might have never ever been revealed. facts which would never become evident. bonds which would have never been forged. wavelengths which would never have otherwise matched. and that too with people, you hardly know. asking questions you know you just have too. or just for the heck of it. making fun of people and apologizing too. discovery (not the channel...........this was something better) is what the night of 28th December was all about. i do not have to cite all the happenings here itself. you can talk to any of the survivors of that explosion and they will be only happy to oblige. they will always begin with the following sentence ......." arey i can tell you. but should have been there to really know what it was all about."..............and then they would be happy enough to spend the whole day telling you in detail what all happened.
well, the night happened. we all came back to our natural habitats. but did those memories even leave our minds for one solitary second? can we ever forget or delete those brain cells, thoroughly intoxicated by the wine of that head rush? not me at least. everyday some thing or the other reminds me of one facet that became clearer to me that night. one thing that we could have done that night. of at least one person who contributed some part to themselves to my thought process. pretty sure others feel the same. cause when i look at the survivors today, they have been undeniably altered in some way. good or bad. no one came out unscathed. then be it the "hidisgiri" or the "maush" or the " truths" . anything at all. but it took a grip on everyone. and thats what is called epic. of one night like that can alter your mindset , your thought patterns and channel your behaviour in some other way. whatever that did to anyone else, it brought me nearer to a lot of people. some of them complete strangers to me before the night. but not anymore. just a look on the face, a wink of the eye is enough to identify the spark of that explosion which we all carry.
so as the finale to this late sonata , i would like to thank : pratik, sandeep, mugdha, purva, anuj, shrikant, saurabh, akshay, rohan kulkarni, bhalu, neil, rahul, parag, jai. for making it the night it was. it is. memorable would prove insufficient.............MAUSH!!!!!
at 11:19 PM
Sunday, March 9, 2008
was watching the movie "Shooter" yesterday. this below mentioned dialogue got me thinking.
"There is always a confused soul who thinks he can set it all right. and you have to kill him to convince him otherwise. thats the hassle with democracy."
kept pondering over it for a long time. happily did not reach any conclusion. went to sleep.
at 11:10 PM
Thursday, March 6, 2008
saw the movie, "the kingdom". and glad to say that after a long time , a movie which can touch my heart. tug at my emotional strings. the direction , acting, action etc etc. everything good.
typical terrorist - FBI movie. but shot in the Saudi Arabia. and real world touch to it. proper barbarism and brutality. story goes like this : an american compound near Riyadh. it falls prey to a fidayeen attack. 100 odd killed. many more injured. an FBI team , after many diplomatic pushovers get to go there for 5 days. crime scene investigation occurs and they find out one of the many hide outs where some action occurs. the FBI team is told to go back . when they are on their way back to the airport, they are ambushed and one of their colleagues taken hostage. the team with 2 saudi policeman , who have become good friends of theirs, accompany them. gripping car chase and gun battle later, they finally find their man and the head terrorist who had planned it all. and when we all thought that was over, a young kid , no more than 13-14 years old, comes in and shoots the saudi policeman. and as a result he is shot to death along with the aging, two finger less terrorist master mind.
that might all seem natural stuff when you read it. but it really touches you when you watch the movie. great soundtrack, amazing acting. especially the roles played by Jamie Foxx and the Saudi policeman are just too good. and the last sentence just got my goat (the one which jamie foxx whispers into the ear of a lady officer and the dying Abu Hamza says to his grandchild):
"Don't worry. We will kill them all"
man............i was expecting a really sorry ass philosophical statement there. but this is another weird dimension. a case of hate begets hate. or rather the beginning of the cycle. a vicious, hateful, violent and an almost never ending one. "we will kill them all". you will never fathom the amount of impact just by reading it. it has to be seen in the movie to be felt. so don't curse me cause i haven't ripped the movie apart. the execution is the piece - de - resistance . watch it if you have not already. may be a tad too violent for some people, but nevertheless, watch it.
at 1:10 AM
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
yeah yeah, i am talking about the song by Nirvana, the greatest youth anthem ever."smells like teen spirit" as the name goes, perfectly capturing the taste of those confused years.
"Load up on guns
Bring your friends
Its fun to lose
And to pretend
I know I know
A dirty word"
having fun with your mates, the occasional funny cigarette, girl friends, sex (ok my indian friends that does not apply to you................:P.............and me too..............:(.........), swearing and the whole lot. thats what make those years so very memorable. the joy of discovery in everything we do. a very puritanical feel to it all. pride in what we make. and a very stupid stubborn attitude. you guys surely know what i am talking about.
"With the lights out its less dangerous
Here we are now
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now
being senseless , young and invincible. thats what it is all about. acting like we are immortal. thinking about things that may seem immaterial to this world. but we say, what the heck. its our life. lets live it.
"I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end"
hahahahhahahah....................confusion reigns supreme. experienced it haven't you???
"And I forget
Just what it takes
And yet I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard
Its hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind"
yeah surely , never mind. \m__m/
at 12:11 AM