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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Of sports and games......

The sports ministry says that Formula One is not a sport. Read the article here . Now i know that people do not look for anythin g meaningful in my blog, but this is going to be a full-on rant. There are bound to be a lot of profanities and "bad words" so please do not proceed if you are allergic to them or you are going to burn my house down or something of that sort. This is a disclaimer and also the final warning.

Sports Ministry : an F1 race in India had been rejected on the grounds that "it (the race) would have no impact on the development of sports in the country".

Dear old Wikipedia will furnish all relevant information about Formula 1. I will not sweat it out over this point. All the information can be found here . Formula 1 exists in countries like Brazil, China, Malaysia. Not particularly rich, economies comparable to ours, of course properly scaled by size, basically agrarian or natural resource based economies. Any dumbass can do a google search to see what the "sport" has done for these countries.

Sports Ministry : F1 is not purely sports. It is entertainment and this venture by JKSP is a commercial initiative

Ok bastards, Formula 1 is all about the money. Truckloads of the green paper everywhere. The cars, media, circuits, glamour,...the works. Just because the Indian circuit was going to be a private enterprise and the ministry was not going to get a sizeable piece of the action, means we lose this race? It is like a veritable cash cow which once bought, with little maintenance can give milk and cow shit all round the year. Do not laugh, mother fuckers, cow dung can be useful too. Get what i am saying?

Sports Ministry : The basic premise of the ministry is that F1 is not needed in India and the money can be spent on development of disciplines which have a wider base in the country, ministry sources said.

Formula 1 is the pinnacle of automobile, electronics and aerodynamics technology. Think about the boost, industries in these sectors will get. Race drivers are considered amongst the fittest athletes anywhere. Anyone remember Michael Schumacher, the fittest man on earth in his time, may his neck rest in peace? And see the need to improve fitness levels in other disciplines? I can provide you with the details, but educated people can find and comprehend those for themselves. This is for illiterate smart asses whos brains will not be well shielded from all the brilliance that it exudes.

Sports Ministry : The proposed F1 race does not satisfy conditions which focus on human endeavour for excelling in competition with others, keeping in view the whole sports movement from Olympics downwards.

India has some very good drivers in its population (please google for names like Karun Chandhok, Armaan Ibrahim, Parthiv Sureshwaran, Gaurav Gill.....to name just a handful).Think of the exposure they get. Think about the awareness about cars and road safety that this "sport" will bring to India. Think about the level of development that will envelope the venue of the race. Think about the employment , this will generate.

If calling it a sport is a problem for the ministry, call it an frigging entertainment and get on with it. If money is what you bunch of money hoarding rascals want from it, i am a sure formula can be worked out. If you think that Formula 1 is puny as compared to cricket, then i will be pleased to shove a bat up your ass and show you how many F1 fans exist in India and how much interest the races generate here. (Remember, Sachin Tendulkar........ask him why is he often seen at Formula 1 venues, more often than not in the Ferrari camp....google for this too,punks.) Or let me ask Mr. Mallya to do the honours. I think his palm is itching already.

I hope some lazy ass-holinesses wake up and see the light. Nothing in India will change if they don't. Absolutely nothing. Cricket will still dominate, football will still be a joke and race weekends will be a time when some fools gather up in some coffee place or sports lounge to watch other fools drive cars round and round. And you sadists will still have inches added to your waist sizes every year. But think of the possibilities F1 brings in. Wake the fuck up!

P.S. : Right >> here is an article about the company that holds the rights to the circuit being built in Greater Noida. And the arrow pointers are for the sports ministry.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Aunty Kalawati

A lame story, with a lame end. I have tried to get some message through. But just please help me out with the story writing.


Once in a small town in India, lived a Granny. she had three grandchildren, who came to visit her in the holidays. This time was no different. School over, the packed their satchels and hopped and skipped all the way to Granny's. And of course dinner was full of delicacies made lovingly by Granny which was followed by a story. So they all chorused in unison and Granny was only too happy to oblige.

"Granny, what story are you going to tell us today?"

"My children, today i will tell you the story of Aunty Kalawati, Goddess of elephants!"


"There was once a big big state....so frigging big, they had to cut it up!....well nevertheless it was called Paschim Pradesh. It was a wealthy and prosperous state. There were rivers, forests, farms.....people were contented and happy. So said the shady papers. And the ruler of this kingdom was Aunt Kalawati. She was the most beautiful, benevolent ruler in the known world. So much so, that there were statues of her erected to pronounce her kindness and glory!"

"What kind of statues, Granny?"

"Big white ones, my dear. Of her in her fully dressed spendor and carrying a designer purse. There were four statues, facing the four directions, looking over her kingdom. Alongside her own statues, were statues of other great men. Men who did and died for the state, men that she respected, men who stood for the right. And of course she had all those good values present in her too!"

"She seems to be a nice person Granny!"

"Oh she was,my sweetie. She loved her subjects. She always built parks for them with huge statues like those in them, for sweet kids like you. But they were so beautiful that nobody ever went there, lest they spoil the purity of it. There were elephants all around. Elephants were the strength of her army, her servants and her fashion.They were her mascots. And if somebody complained about something, an elephant would just visit that persons house and make that complaint go away! "

"The elephants loved her like a Goddess. She had empowered them. The elephants, who were large in number, were told that they were special, they were a minority. That they were being persecuted for being elephants and made slaves.The elephants were taken aback by this, and without flapping a ear decided that Kalawati was right and hailed her as their queen. They have been loyal to her ever since."

"WOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW"....said all three kids in glee!

"Yes. And she had a huge court room with a lot of different ministers from all parts of her state. She was so kind, that she did not give them any work, but paid them very well. And when some people said that these ministers were lazy, Aunt Kalawati, built them a house with a gate of iron bars, and those people lived there happily ever after."

"What was that house called, Granny?"

"It was called Jail."

"But granny, isn't jail where they put crooks and robbers and bad men?"

"No my child. Not in her kingdom. In that land, it was like a state guest house where the most esteemed of guests lived their lives. It was a place where bad people became good and good people became better.Other intellectuals,social reformers,rich people......many many people enjoyed such hospitality. And at the end of their stay, they all chanted "Hail Kalawati!"."

"What else did she do Granny?"

"When har kingdom had no electricity, she begged for it! When it had no water, she cried for it! When people were dying, she tried to make life for their family a little better by offering them compensation! When women were dishonoured, she put other women in Jail guest house!When there was famine, she got fodder for her elephants from other states and did not tax her poor
farmers! And when everything was alright, she built parks and statues, so that visitors and children could enjoy themselves. She played a lot of games with her brotherly friend, Naram Singh, who liked her a lot and wanted her to rule the state forever! She was like a sister to everyone in the whole state!Lot of people called her behen, but she preferred Aunty!"

"So what happened to her, granny?"

"Ah....as time passed she grew old, but her nature did not change. And then she went to heaven one day, and there she became the queen of Heaven, because the seat was RESERVED for her, as a gesture of love from all the Gods for the good deeds she had done! And then she sat on the throne, and sent the Gods to the jail guest house in heaven, fed Airavat golden fodder and ruled the Heaven peacefully ever after!"

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Fire away........

No secrets in the fact that i am a heavy metal fan. I don't know what happened first, the feverish love for playing drums or 24-hour heavy metal fanaticism. But either ways, it does not go wrong. Have been a drummer for 4 years now and not a very good one at that. A few hits there, some bangs there and more often than not cocking it all up.Landing the lead singer in trouble, putting the guitars off time and throwing the bass lines into the furnace while (un)settling the rhythm. Been there, done that. And life is good.....

Many people have helped me out, generously with my uselessness at playing drums.Giving me tips, practising with me the whole deal.But there was one secret teacher i never mentioned,very imprudent of me. And that cached and humble teacher is Internal Combustion.....:)

Ever been in a six seater (damn things are every where is Pune and maybe the best choice for short distance transportation)? One mundane and unspiritual and uninspiring morning, i was sitting in one of those, trying to get somewhere. had to wait cause it was not carrying a thousand people and the driver won't budge unless it did. So he put it in idle, shoved some tobacco into his gums and waited for it.

For 6 minutes, the syncopated beat of that idling diesel engine was pounding my butts and only at the 7th minute does my butt ring in a call to my puny brain to wake up and recognise what was causing the vibrations. And then it took another 2 minutes (how do i remember such embarassig details?) to take in the regularity of the firing intervals. Like a perfect time keeping
machine but at the same time with an off sync beat which is very unsual, the engine thrummed away.

It just hit home with all the force of a 200mph Shinkansen. The beauty of it, in all its simplicity. The beat is everywhere. My mind was reeling with the implications of this discovery. Those little explosions inside little cylinders of metal which are responsible for literally moving the masses from one place to the other. And now they are are responsible for inspiring me to playing drums. Cause and effect relations do not come much more bizzare.

And if the 6 seater was a tuition, then the train is the whole concert, a drumming festival put together. Especially when the locomotive runs on diesel, for then it adds its own flavour to the already eclectic sonic curry. The slow start, the careless canter across little villages, the loud and brash rumbling over rivers and gorges, the steady swift beat when really whistling through the night. No wonder i wear a perennial grin, once in a train.

'Twas that day and ever since, the thrum of a paraffin stove under a hood has always had my ear and brain riveted to it. For rhythms, timing et al . Every trip has been a studio session, which in turn makes even the dullest of moments and the most polluted of places a lot more interesting and fun. Percussion, is everywhere.....quite literally!