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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Pain in the match

Warning : Some "bad words" in the post. Parental advisory. Explicit contents. Thanks PMRC.

IIT Bombay. Hostel 1. TV room. Its Mumbai Indians playing. Never mind the opposition is Kings XI Punjab. Its still MI. All the ingredients of a great match. The excitement, the adrenaline, the errors, the Sachining, the Harbhajaning, the big hits, the run outs the whole deal. People digesting their square meal with burp of satisfaction and the rare fart.

And then, the son of a bitch Election in charge comes in, sets up his PA system, has a "Hello , check" thing done. And then the buttock faced babboon switches off the TV. Well, sacrilege is the word that comes to mind and all the burpers and farters were ready to beat 38 shades of crap out of this guy. And he is not ready to turn it back on. Why, cause the "Soap - box" (the elction nominees giving their speeches) was official hostel business. People walked out cursing and blessing the internet and Youtube.

I get to the room, power the laptop and scrambling to get youtubes IPL channel going. And there it is. Those ominous words splattered all over Chromes' face. Shockwave Flash has stopped functioning! SOn of a bitch! Does everybody hate me? Today? Now? Sachins batting, for Sachins sake!

Somehow, Googles' honour is kept and the match starts streaming in. Bandwith good, sound good, Sachin good, MI good. And then, the phone rings. Its a friend. Crying, weeping, sobbing, talking all at once. How women can multi task,is beyond me. But whats worse is their sense of timing . So i mute the match and begin the counselling and consoling. Sachin is dismissed.

Ever had that feeling, being punched in the balls and not be able to scream and shout and twist and writhe. Just feel your face flush a bright red. And the pain does not stop for another 15 minutes.Burning in hell, having Hades chop off your limbs is far more comfortable it seems.

The pain eases over a period of some minutes, before two wickets go down in the blink of an eye. I must be bleeding somewhere. The pangs are real. Connection error. Refresh after some time. Trouble breathing. Hyperventilating.Must not smash laptop. Must breathe properly. Must not swear loudly.

Pollard does not deliver. No boundary for 33 balls. Six!!!! Tiwary delivers. Relief. A breeze of fresh summer air floats in as if magically. Am not done dreaming and Rayudu goes bust. Idiot. Throat is parched. My knee hurts. God damn it (won't take Sachins name in vain).

Bravo is in. 10 balls without the ropes being breached. Another SIX! hushhhhhhhhhhh........and as the last drop of hush-spittle leaves my mouth, Bravo is dismissed. swearing. Loudly. Cant help it. Need a shrink. Connection Error. Please refresh. Arghhhhh.

I do the best thing to save myself. Pull the ethernet cord and gulp down a litre of cold water in 6 seconds. Fuck, that hurts the teeth. and the throat. But the match is still on. How can i not watch it? Search cable -> Find cable -> Connect cable -> start Chrome -> IPL channel. WOw, nothing went wrong here.

19 off 10. 3 fours later, its 6 from 6. Sathish goes, Bhajji enters. Connection Error. Please refresh. No time. cricinfo.com. Its already 163. One run and finally the ordeal ends!I head to the toilet for a pee of heavenly relief! Finally!


  1. My story was a little different ...

    I turned on the TV in my room, watched the whole match till the presentation ceremony ... peeing and drinking water was done during max mobile time out ...

    But I must say, the level of excitement got to be the same

  2. such emotions! kitna paise lagaye the? :-)

  3. mast hai ........ match ka bukhar saab pee chad raha hai .....