Here is an idea for smartphone makers to add value - like actual value.
Don’t give us gimmicky camera modes that become outdated in 2 days.
Or worry about how big a notch is on the screen.
Give us a concert mode.
Yes - a concert mode, which lets the owner of the phone not be an absolute dripping douchebag to fellow concert goers.
Allow me to explain.
Your screens are too bright. I know you want to challenge the capricious sun for lumens per square centimeter and down here on earth you even succeed.
But it becomes a naval searchlight being focused at my goddam face when it’s a dark concert hall.
You already have us humans hooked to our dumb phones so badly that we have to check them every 5 seconds, lest a rat run away with another slice of pizza without us seeing.
And the hamsters that we are, we are prepared to violate every bound of human decency to follow our lizard brain.
The fact that it drives some of us to have murderous thoughts about our neighbor, suggests that we have gone too far.
Ergo, the concert mode.
In this mode - the phone will never ring. Or buzz. Infact, it will be airplane mode without the option of connecting to Wi-Fi.
The screen brightness will go to Nokia 3310 levels. Barely readable. And the screen will be grayscale - none of them colors hanging about.
The flash on your camera is de-activated. And your camera will only take 3 images for the duration of the concert mode.
Here is the real secret sauce - the more fidgety and screen check-y you are, the longer the screen will remain in blackout. Not even the clock will show.
So, if you check your phone every 2 mins, your phone will go dark for about 1 hour in concert mode. Lookey at phone every 1 mins, and it will be 2 hours. So on and forth.
And if the owner identifies as an Indian male above the age of 45, this mode will wipe the data in your phone clean off if you even so much as take it out of your pocket.
It’s only fair, to protect the rest of us and in the long run, the owner himself.
