Cliches and Cliques!

"you don't smoke?!?!?! dude u are a blot on the Metal community! you are not even a real metalhead!!!"

"You gave up booze?!?!? lets just keep this amongst us..........and please do not hook up with me at any gig. otherwise i will be the laugh of the place."

"Clean on dope? what?!!! have you lost your marbles? dude if you want to be the next James Hetfield, u got to have a PhD in shooting stuff in your veins!"

"where are the piercings man? are you scared man? do they puncture you........???"

"Long hair man! sign of the true head banger!"

"satan rules man!! down with the conformist shit!!"

"how can you listen to rap and hip-hop man? that ain't music man. that is crap!"

Been there and faced that!

(SELF) CERTIFIED : CONTEMPORARY UNUSUAL METALHEAD!

\m__m/..........heavy metal...........the music rocks...........nuthin else matters!

Head Rush...........................

Wrote something more. Enjoy!

Five missed calls already. The sixth one was on its way. And I was there still giving some advice to one of my mates on phone. I knew I was in trouble big time. You do not keep people waiting on their birthday. Its way too special for them. And especially beware if the person in concern is a girl.

So, there I was on the phone, jumping up and down like I had red ants in my pants. I had to disconnect at the earliest. I had to get ready, get the bike out and just vroom away. “I am all decked up,” she had told me over a chat conversation we had earlier in the day. Now who wouldn’t want to check out what “decked out” was all about. I could barely contain myself. In the energy of things I sort of reprimanded my mate on the phone for wasting my time, then realized I had made a mistake, apologized and then quickly hit the red button.

Jeans, a new “Converse” tee and a dash of some new deodorant I had brought would be my armor to the “decked up” onslaught. But I rather knew I would be losing the draw hands down. Ironical isn’t it? Checked my watch. Gosh I was late. A hurried sprint on my bike and I reached the rendezvous point. She was standing there, but my puny brain chose not to look at her rather ordering my hand to call her up. Which I did. And then she slyly comes up on me from behind. Sweet Lord. She really was decked up. She looked lovely. A red coloured dress is the sort of panacea to cold hearts. It sets them on rage.

“Kahan jayenge?” she asked , half smiling, half concerned.

“Your choice madam…………..your birthday!”

“I dunno a lot of places. You do. You are the one roaming around.” And she winked. I did not want to answer. Just keep looking at her. But I just had to. Scruff.

“ ok , 2 choices, KP or FC?”

“That’s easy. KP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Hop aboard then.”

Wasn’t near that place. But that was not at all the concern. She climbed on the pillion seat, made a million and one adjustments, completely oblivious to the fact that I lost half the fuel I began with in that time.

“I am ready! Lets go!”

She was sitting really close to me. It was very awkward. Someone sitting so close to me. For the first time. She was close to me. Mentally , spiritually. Physical is just taboo though. But tonight was very very different. I shuddered when her hands touched my shoulder. My vision went slightly blurry. I had to let go the handle to regain my focus. Her perfume was so intoxicating, it just would not let me think of anything else. The only other thing I could really remember was “Careless Whisper” by George Michael. The sax piece around which his words float is just as intoxicating.

But we had to go. And I had to ride the bike. And she was beautiful. How could I do it? But I had to. Slowly at first. But then I managed to work up the speed. And when we were really going fast, she suddenly just gripped me. My God!!! The warmth from her body fusing into mine. Mellowing down. Like butter that melts over a piece of warm bread. Holy Lord! How do I rein in my senses?? I would just stop the bike mid road and do either of the things: ask her politely to maintain a “distance” or just go faster and ……………..

We reached the hotel. Famished by the time we got there, an empty table was good to see. “Order something”. She said. But who was paying attention? I just grunted every time she asked my opinion on some dish. Who wanted to look at the menu card when the she was there, in front of me. Her face bathed in candle light. Warm yellow around her, encircling her like an aura. Just making me feel chivalrous. Like a noble knight from the 17^th century, going down on his knees and asking the damsel to be his woman. “Wilst thou care to spend the rest of your precious life with this ignorant man???” Will she? I could have waited generations for that answer.

She kept talking about something or the other. And I was replying briefly. Come on. I mean you can not expect me to be strong enough to ignore her beauty while sitting straight in front of her. And when her mom called (I think she was slightly embarrassed when it happened), I gave up all the shame I possessed and was just straight staring at her. An up market restaurant guaranteed that a lot of “pretty” girls would be present. Who are they? Did I care?

I think she realized that but still went on. Fair enough I think. She likes me I know. I do too. Just known each other 11 months. Does it really matter when each moment spent together feels like 11 millenniums?? I hope she knew what was going on in my mind. Did I?

On our return journey she was fast asleep. Head resting on my back. Her arms draped around my shoulder. Again the warmth of her body, the fragrance of her perfume. My right hand could not resist the urge to go faster. Faster towards the faraway lights. Faster to get away from this pleasing sensation which had completely flooded my senses. Faster, before I went crazy. Faster towards a temporary liberation from that which is good. Faster. Faster still.

Reached her place. Was time to say good bye. I was sleepy. Ooops sort of a heavy dinner. Never realized it. Her hair was disheveled. The kajal spread around her eyes. The make up slight ruined. Smudge of marks of some make up thing on my tee. What would I want to realize? All I could really think about was her. Rather the vanity of her. Rush of mad affection. A very sweet head rush.

“Good night. Sweet dreams of your…..ahem. Hehehehhe” she said. Keep talking dear. Please do not stop.

“Yeah good night.” My stupid mouth blurted out.

Oh I would have loved to have a few more moments alone with her. And then some more. Exhilaration of the encounter? I would not count that out.

Twilight..................

Just tried a hand at penning prose. Hope if at least someone can like it.

I am going to meet her today. It is fairly important we have a sit down. Cause this concerns our lives. And on my mp3 player, Led zeppelin is playing “Kashmir”. Groove beat. Strings. Bass. The bus is moving. Familiar scenes. This is an oft visited area. Again the high on that drum roll. All I can think about is the song. How can someone make the song so good? The simple drumming, the crescendos et al. Bus takes a right turn. Time for me to get down. I move down the aisle, shoving my bulk around on everyone, rousing them from their everyday sleeps. I am not a regular on this bus. The one that takes me to my haven is usually half empty. Not this though.

But I had to get down. The ice cream parlor. The bus heaves to a sighing stop and I descend to check my watch. 5 minutes before time. The Robert Plants wail. The groove. It was still there. Nothing better than an ice cream, I thought and helped myself to one.

Nodding my head to the seemingly lazy beats. Not long before, I managed to finish the cup. Still Kashmir playing. Puzzled? Oh then remembered that I had put the song on repeat. Just can’t get too much of it. Hmmmm.

She was 7 minutes late. I could spot her from a mile off. She looked pretty. As always. But today was different. I was not the same as always. Listening to that song, had introduced in me that kind of lust, that ecstasy that comes from kissing ones lover and nothing else can satiate it. Obscene is the right word for me now.

She stops her bike, looks at me and smiles. She parks it and looks around for any whistle toting police men. No one in sight. One sigh and she heaves it onto the stand. Oh god she looks wonderful. Those large eyes. Innocence. Calm. She looks at me again. Smiles. Only Kashmir was stopping me from having panic attacks. She crosses the street, very careful. Extra careful, my dear, I seemed to say.

“Hi. Wassup?”

“Nuthin. Was just reading a book. How are you?”

“Shall we get something to eat?”

“I am not hungry, but if you are I will give you company.”

I had the slyest smile anyone could have, on my face. Evil. Lusty.

We entered the nearby Pizza hut outlet and ordered something. She sat opposite to me, the twilight casting a brilliant red and violet on her face. Lovely. Anyone would be in love with her. But the one-on-one was for some reason.

“So……” I began “how was your day?”

“Nothing much. Actually I spent pretty much all my time thinking about why you like me. I mean an extrovert person like you could find a like minded girl for yourself easily. Why me?”

“Is it such a crime? I can not say that I did it on purpose. It just happened. “

“No no, it’s not wrong for someone to love somebody. But in this case why me? What was so special in me? We barely know each other……………….”

She kept talking. Rather she kept asking questions. And I vehemently defended myself. For every question of her. I did not even have to think. All the while I had this little voice in my head go

“Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream
I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been…………………………..”

Where? How? I run my hand into my shirt pocket, to find the mp3 player resting there, switched off. Where was the sound coming from? And all this happening when I am replying to her questions and her reasons for denial. How is this possible?

“Oh, pilot of the storm that leaves no trace, like thoughts inside a dream
You've the map that led me to that place, yellow desert stream
My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon, I will return again
Sure as the dust that blows high in June, when moving through Kashmir………….”

I am walking in Kashmir, the cold evening. Hand in hand with her. She looks beautiful. More than ever. And as the sun sets. I turn around to cover her from it. And kiss her.

“Hey you here?”

I wake up with a jolt. Oh, day fucking dreaming!!! But I did not sweat for one strange moment. Why? How is that possible? You have to be at least surprised when you wake up like that? But I am not thinking any of that. I want to kiss her. The sun is going down. This is the time. Aahhhhh………..

We kept talking till it was way past all time. Dinner time. She asked me to come to her place for a homely simple dinner.

“Yes. Yes I am coming. How can I not come?”

But that’s not what came out of my mouth. Rather a very stupid,

“No I will be heading home. Need some sleep. Have to be in office early tomorrow.”

Bloody hell, how could I say that?

“Oh, father of the four winds, fill my sails, across the sea of years
with no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear
ohh……………………………”

Sweet lord no, Kashmir again. She is waving me goodbye. Her bike billows up a puff of smoke. She is gone. I know I will meet her again. But what did I tell her all this while. Oh boy, I am going to have a hard time figuring that out.

How I wished I had kissed her before she left. That I had not let go of her hand. Not let her get out of my sight. But the twilight is gone. It is dark now. I shout out to an auto and ask him to carry me back to my place. “Half return honar sahib.” “Chalel.” Stick the earphones in my ears, switch the mp3 player ON. There it is again. Kashmir.

Trinity

Just read a hindi poem by Sandip Khare (thanks to Ketaki for forwarding it.). Just could not resist the urge to pen it in English. Mixing it with something going through my mind now-a-days.

the original poem can be read at:

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/8117/2809/1600/Barish.jpg

And this is what i penned

rain and me, we often united
in love and life,
in sorrow and strife.
rain and me , we often united.

and then i met u..........

but the sacred trinity of us,
was never meant to be
co incidence may be
but the trinity was never meant to be.

begged a lot, i did.
scarred my knees.
praying to both of you
praying i never did cease

but now no longer
can i hold,
resolved , yes i have
three of us together be the only truth be told.

so now i wander, ragged and anxious,
with the rain drops in my eyes
Holy co-incidence it might then be
you, me and the rain , together under the skies.

Thoroughly enjoyed it!

The Entity!!

had been out of station a while back. time to catch up with some old friends and have a good time. good talk, homely food and all the rest you can catch up on. and while the flood gates of your memories and experiences open up, there are many joys and smiles to be relished with it.

sitting after a heavy lunch (rather half dozing......) the talk of the afternoon was project leaders and seniors. i did not have anything to complain about (seriously.......i have fun here!!) my good friend rupesh had a lot of fore to spit.and that was when we heard the legend of "the entity".

according to him, the entity is most probably your team/project leader sporting a seemingly impressive resume and less than impressive IQ. a typical entity resume would look something like this:

1. xyz application developer@some startup for 2 years.
2. senior member of technical staff @ an MNC for 2/3 years.
3. team/project lead in your company for the last 5 years.

impressive to say the least. but absolutely useless says rupesh. according to him , they have an IQ of a rhino with 2 horns and an almost completely dead albeit rotten will to learn. in the startup company they just get to learn some new platform and will quit as soon as the learning phase is over. reason cited :Less pay and a comparatively steep learning curve!!!

so our entity quits this startup and floats out a resume citing a couple of years of experience. and MNC's are always on lookout for such faggots (well, thats what i think they are..........:D) . a phone call and an utterly useless interview later they are put in charge of a project which is not what you would call very small. and the only fruitful contribution the entity makes to the project is listen to your problems and give no good inputs and always asking people to follow defunct deadlines and stressing team members. this other than dragging the project along so long that it wears off and not even the remains are found!!

and so again the entity citing a reason of the project not being challenging enough (wtf!?!) again follows protocol and quits. but this process has eaten up 3 more years of his life and many more hair of his top scalp (only???.....lolz) and also a lot of useless excel sheets occupying many bytes which could have been used to store a video or a song maybe. so now he is more "experienced", which means he has the right to command more salary and a right to choose which project he will lead.

in come companies like micro-hard, poogle and blo-racle et al head butting each other to the ground and abusing each others mothers to get hold of this talent "available in the market". so our entity , now in a huge and respectable company , now assumes a complete autocratic behavior and now wants to decide his own work (again wtf?!?!) and the projects he will lead. so you will often hear him saying , "oh no that projects too small. let mr. abc handle it. " or " this project has no prospects and i am here for the long run." and on and on.

at the end of narrating all of this, rupesh actually got a bit irritated , frustrated and hell lot angry to conclude the talk with the final salvo , "basically hey loka saglikade jaun fakt paatya taktat ani project band padtat. yz saale. dhekun yanchya peksha jaast hushar astat. YZ saale!!!"

and then there is a lot of smiles all around but in the same vein nods of agreement also (not me not me.............:D) . fortunate enough that i have not yet encountered such an entity. lord hopes it stays that way. or there would be many unpleasant consequences.

Sorry.................honest or bullshit?!?

how often do we use the word sorry? i mean just during the lunchtime, having a good game of table tennis, i was uttering that word for every point gained on the net. for every shot that went over table and for every service missed. that apart from the stamping people's feet, hitting others noses et al. this is a story of just 20 minutes, what is the scope of this word in the 24 hours that every new day gives us?

by what i have managed to gather from the 201480 hours of being alive is that the single most important reason that spawned the use of this word is that it believes in the principle that , we as humans take failures as lessons and tend to learn from them. as an intelligent creature also endowed with emotional expression and quotient , it sends out a promise to some known/unknown entity that the mistake would not be repeated lest one faces dire consequences. not even then if one were to stick with one's decision.

but today what i see more often is (myself included in this fucking sick process) is that we tend to use it as a means of escape. saying sorry is like doing something and getting away with it. the first reaction is to say "sorry". it feels like you have been purged. even if that is temporarily , it does. (ok , i might be talking about very limited number of scenarios here , but still, think about it.) a very easy door to getting your breath back. rather than taking that asphyxiation a bit more and dealing with it. like a piston hammering back and forth like it has to. mechanical habituation. makes me sick every time i think about it.

some people (rather most of you) might tend to disagree with me. might as well be. what i have done is cited my own observations and reasons and conclusions. but the probability of this happening is increasing and that just catches my attention. and i think someone thinks like wise!!!

Unbelievable!!!

"Despite media rumours that Cozy Powell, Carmine Appice, Barriemore Barlow, Simon Kirke, or Bev Bevan would join the group as his replacement, the remaining members decided to disband Led Zeppelin after Bonham's death. They issued a press statement on 4 December 1980 confirming that the band would not continue without its drummer. "We wish it to be known that the loss of our dear friend and the deep respect we have for his family, together with the sense of undivided harmony felt by ourselves and our manager, have led us to decide that we could not continue as we were." It was simply signed "Led Zeppelin"

don't worry about the source of that content...........its wikipedia. what really hit me was the strange co-incidence that i was born on the same day 5 years later i.e. 4th December 1985. i know this sounds amusing and so kiddish , but i really felt bad that my birth day co-incides with the official disbanding day of the greatest band of all time "Led Zeppelin".

i just got an idea..................more facts about 4th december and rock n roll:

"James Hetfield entered rehab due to "alcoholism and other addictions". All recording plans were put on hiatus and the band's future was in doubt.^[51] However, when Hetfield returned on December 4, 2001."

"To celebrate ten years as a band, Godsmack released a greatest hits album entitled Good Times, Bad Times... Ten Years of Godsmack on December 4, 2007. The album debuted at number 35 on the Billboard 200, selling 40,000 copies in the first week of release."

"At the show in Magdeburg, Germany on 4 December Motörhead joined Sepultura on stage during their support slot playing the song "Orgasmatron", in celebration of Sepultura's 20th Anniversary."

"On December 4, 2006, one of Hendrix's 1968 Fender Stratocaster guitars with a sunburst design was sold at a Christie's auction for USD$168,000."

Focussed on a blur..............

static, just disturbance.
tuning the set to the ether.
frantic jabbing at the buttons.
no avail, can't find there.
can somebody tell me the station,
the voice that speaks of belonging.

the beep, i can hear the tone.
and then it hangs up.
anxiously i dial the numbers
and the levers deep plunge
but where is the lady who used to enquire
panacea to burning hearts.

mesh of wires,
bits down the optical drain.
nearer than near
farthest than far.
all we can do is,
peer through the glass at the distant star.

the touch of ether
the clouds ruling at peaks hem
they vanish when the
sun of reality dawns on them
where does dream end and belief begin
where does faith figure and what is sin?
doesn't living like that mean focusing on a blur
do we even know what we are living for?
what is real and what is fake,
when the debate demands "are you sleeping or are you awake?"

Gimme some valium!

two sleepless nights.
dont really know why. why the insomnia?
excitement?fear?anxiety?
yeah a lot of things have been happening over the past couple of days.
but that should not have bothered my leviathan sleep.
cause the way this life has turned out to be, this should have been pretty normal.
then why now? why at this juncture, when everything seems to go right in the world?
when everyone around fells so near and precious?
when i can have all the world for myself and still want more?
is feeling so good such a crime? such a shift from normalcy that you are denied your sleep?
come to think of it, it is not. but in my case it is such an anomaly.
have to suss up to the fact that it might be so.
never have felt so good in my entire life.
some inkling, some loss, some negativity always lurking in those lanes.
lanes, which have never known bright, pure sunlight.
just some broken street light at the best.
and that shadow has somehow chased me to destinations unknown. helped me push myself to the limits.
such comfort, such luxury. hardly ever known.
good ? bad? have to decide as yet.

Freedom @ Twilight!!!

i think this comes a tad too late. but for me, this is full circle. just being through the night of 28th of december was an experience in itself. but is more interesting is the impact it had on the people involved.

yeah a bit of background though. mood indigo. 28th december night. Shankar-ehsaan-loy blitzing everything in view. 3 hours of just making merry. being yourself. letting loose. exhausted. and then the spirits start breaking loose. from chasing dogs on the food court to mixing mangola in cappuccino for that "commemorative" drink. so hooked (or completely unhooked...............:D) were people it seems impossible for us to even imagine the things we did that night. no sleep in the eye, all 10-12 odd strong, our contingent was marching the streets of iit powai searching for something to do. the coffee shack at 2 am. and then the ncc grounds at 2:30am. the lunacy broke loose. it absolutely took over people. at first all avoided going beserk by wanting to run away......sorry muggya...........lolz.............but then once committed, people almost hung on till the end..........almost. Mosh, as metal heads know is a a very energetic and stress breaking routine in heavy metal. well, "Maush" is what we made of it and it takes stretches the envelope to some other universe. collective head banging. on-the-spot compositions. even chasing each other around the cricket pitch. dancing and mocking the opponents on every song identified. and getting to fists when the tables are turned on us. imagine a normal dumb charades game, then take the normalcy out of it and then take the madness in it and square it. multiply that by 100. now you are getting close to what went on during that night.


first the charades. and as if that wasn't physically tiring enough (yeah , vinay left at the end of it cause he was too tired!!!) a game of truth and dare (ok truth and truth ...............:D) followed. as if we had vowed not to let the adrenaline from the charades to go waste. the Coke bottle was the weapon of choice and when it spun it unraveled with it many things which might have never ever been revealed. facts which would never become evident. bonds which would have never been forged. wavelengths which would never have otherwise matched. and that too with people, you hardly know. asking questions you know you just have too. or just for the heck of it. making fun of people and apologizing too. discovery (not the channel...........this was something better) is what the night of 28th December was all about. i do not have to cite all the happenings here itself. you can talk to any of the survivors of that explosion and they will be only happy to oblige. they will always begin with the following sentence ......." arey i can tell you. but should have been there to really know what it was all about."..............and then they would be happy enough to spend the whole day telling you in detail what all happened.

well, the night happened. we all came back to our natural habitats. but did those memories even leave our minds for one solitary second? can we ever forget or delete those brain cells, thoroughly intoxicated by the wine of that head rush? not me at least. everyday some thing or the other reminds me of one facet that became clearer to me that night. one thing that we could have done that night. of at least one person who contributed some part to themselves to my thought process. pretty sure others feel the same. cause when i look at the survivors today, they have been undeniably altered in some way. good or bad. no one came out unscathed. then be it the "hidisgiri" or the "maush" or the " truths" . anything at all. but it took a grip on everyone. and thats what is called epic. of one night like that can alter your mindset , your thought patterns and channel your behaviour in some other way. whatever that did to anyone else, it brought me nearer to a lot of people. some of them complete strangers to me before the night. but not anymore. just a look on the face, a wink of the eye is enough to identify the spark of that explosion which we all carry.


so as the finale to this late sonata , i would like to thank : pratik, sandeep, mugdha, purva, anuj, shrikant, saurabh, akshay, rohan kulkarni, bhalu, neil, rahul, parag, jai. for making it the night it was. it is. memorable would prove insufficient.............MAUSH!!!!!