The Entity!!

had been out of station a while back. time to catch up with some old friends and have a good time. good talk, homely food and all the rest you can catch up on. and while the flood gates of your memories and experiences open up, there are many joys and smiles to be relished with it.

sitting after a heavy lunch (rather half dozing......) the talk of the afternoon was project leaders and seniors. i did not have anything to complain about (seriously.......i have fun here!!) my good friend rupesh had a lot of fore to spit.and that was when we heard the legend of "the entity".

according to him, the entity is most probably your team/project leader sporting a seemingly impressive resume and less than impressive IQ. a typical entity resume would look something like this:

1. xyz application developer@some startup for 2 years.
2. senior member of technical staff @ an MNC for 2/3 years.
3. team/project lead in your company for the last 5 years.

impressive to say the least. but absolutely useless says rupesh. according to him , they have an IQ of a rhino with 2 horns and an almost completely dead albeit rotten will to learn. in the startup company they just get to learn some new platform and will quit as soon as the learning phase is over. reason cited :Less pay and a comparatively steep learning curve!!!

so our entity quits this startup and floats out a resume citing a couple of years of experience. and MNC's are always on lookout for such faggots (well, thats what i think they are..........:D) . a phone call and an utterly useless interview later they are put in charge of a project which is not what you would call very small. and the only fruitful contribution the entity makes to the project is listen to your problems and give no good inputs and always asking people to follow defunct deadlines and stressing team members. this other than dragging the project along so long that it wears off and not even the remains are found!!

and so again the entity citing a reason of the project not being challenging enough (wtf!?!) again follows protocol and quits. but this process has eaten up 3 more years of his life and many more hair of his top scalp (only???.....lolz) and also a lot of useless excel sheets occupying many bytes which could have been used to store a video or a song maybe. so now he is more "experienced", which means he has the right to command more salary and a right to choose which project he will lead.

in come companies like micro-hard, poogle and blo-racle et al head butting each other to the ground and abusing each others mothers to get hold of this talent "available in the market". so our entity , now in a huge and respectable company , now assumes a complete autocratic behavior and now wants to decide his own work (again wtf?!?!) and the projects he will lead. so you will often hear him saying , "oh no that projects too small. let mr. abc handle it. " or " this project has no prospects and i am here for the long run." and on and on.

at the end of narrating all of this, rupesh actually got a bit irritated , frustrated and hell lot angry to conclude the talk with the final salvo , "basically hey loka saglikade jaun fakt paatya taktat ani project band padtat. yz saale. dhekun yanchya peksha jaast hushar astat. YZ saale!!!"

and then there is a lot of smiles all around but in the same vein nods of agreement also (not me not me.............:D) . fortunate enough that i have not yet encountered such an entity. lord hopes it stays that way. or there would be many unpleasant consequences.

Sorry.................honest or bullshit?!?

how often do we use the word sorry? i mean just during the lunchtime, having a good game of table tennis, i was uttering that word for every point gained on the net. for every shot that went over table and for every service missed. that apart from the stamping people's feet, hitting others noses et al. this is a story of just 20 minutes, what is the scope of this word in the 24 hours that every new day gives us?

by what i have managed to gather from the 201480 hours of being alive is that the single most important reason that spawned the use of this word is that it believes in the principle that , we as humans take failures as lessons and tend to learn from them. as an intelligent creature also endowed with emotional expression and quotient , it sends out a promise to some known/unknown entity that the mistake would not be repeated lest one faces dire consequences. not even then if one were to stick with one's decision.

but today what i see more often is (myself included in this fucking sick process) is that we tend to use it as a means of escape. saying sorry is like doing something and getting away with it. the first reaction is to say "sorry". it feels like you have been purged. even if that is temporarily , it does. (ok , i might be talking about very limited number of scenarios here , but still, think about it.) a very easy door to getting your breath back. rather than taking that asphyxiation a bit more and dealing with it. like a piston hammering back and forth like it has to. mechanical habituation. makes me sick every time i think about it.

some people (rather most of you) might tend to disagree with me. might as well be. what i have done is cited my own observations and reasons and conclusions. but the probability of this happening is increasing and that just catches my attention. and i think someone thinks like wise!!!

Unbelievable!!!

"Despite media rumours that Cozy Powell, Carmine Appice, Barriemore Barlow, Simon Kirke, or Bev Bevan would join the group as his replacement, the remaining members decided to disband Led Zeppelin after Bonham's death. They issued a press statement on 4 December 1980 confirming that the band would not continue without its drummer. "We wish it to be known that the loss of our dear friend and the deep respect we have for his family, together with the sense of undivided harmony felt by ourselves and our manager, have led us to decide that we could not continue as we were." It was simply signed "Led Zeppelin"

don't worry about the source of that content...........its wikipedia. what really hit me was the strange co-incidence that i was born on the same day 5 years later i.e. 4th December 1985. i know this sounds amusing and so kiddish , but i really felt bad that my birth day co-incides with the official disbanding day of the greatest band of all time "Led Zeppelin".

i just got an idea..................more facts about 4th december and rock n roll:

"James Hetfield entered rehab due to "alcoholism and other addictions". All recording plans were put on hiatus and the band's future was in doubt.^[51] However, when Hetfield returned on December 4, 2001."

"To celebrate ten years as a band, Godsmack released a greatest hits album entitled Good Times, Bad Times... Ten Years of Godsmack on December 4, 2007. The album debuted at number 35 on the Billboard 200, selling 40,000 copies in the first week of release."

"At the show in Magdeburg, Germany on 4 December Motörhead joined Sepultura on stage during their support slot playing the song "Orgasmatron", in celebration of Sepultura's 20th Anniversary."

"On December 4, 2006, one of Hendrix's 1968 Fender Stratocaster guitars with a sunburst design was sold at a Christie's auction for USD$168,000."

Focussed on a blur..............

static, just disturbance.
tuning the set to the ether.
frantic jabbing at the buttons.
no avail, can't find there.
can somebody tell me the station,
the voice that speaks of belonging.

the beep, i can hear the tone.
and then it hangs up.
anxiously i dial the numbers
and the levers deep plunge
but where is the lady who used to enquire
panacea to burning hearts.

mesh of wires,
bits down the optical drain.
nearer than near
farthest than far.
all we can do is,
peer through the glass at the distant star.

the touch of ether
the clouds ruling at peaks hem
they vanish when the
sun of reality dawns on them
where does dream end and belief begin
where does faith figure and what is sin?
doesn't living like that mean focusing on a blur
do we even know what we are living for?
what is real and what is fake,
when the debate demands "are you sleeping or are you awake?"

Gimme some valium!

two sleepless nights.
dont really know why. why the insomnia?
excitement?fear?anxiety?
yeah a lot of things have been happening over the past couple of days.
but that should not have bothered my leviathan sleep.
cause the way this life has turned out to be, this should have been pretty normal.
then why now? why at this juncture, when everything seems to go right in the world?
when everyone around fells so near and precious?
when i can have all the world for myself and still want more?
is feeling so good such a crime? such a shift from normalcy that you are denied your sleep?
come to think of it, it is not. but in my case it is such an anomaly.
have to suss up to the fact that it might be so.
never have felt so good in my entire life.
some inkling, some loss, some negativity always lurking in those lanes.
lanes, which have never known bright, pure sunlight.
just some broken street light at the best.
and that shadow has somehow chased me to destinations unknown. helped me push myself to the limits.
such comfort, such luxury. hardly ever known.
good ? bad? have to decide as yet.

Freedom @ Twilight!!!

i think this comes a tad too late. but for me, this is full circle. just being through the night of 28th of december was an experience in itself. but is more interesting is the impact it had on the people involved.

yeah a bit of background though. mood indigo. 28th december night. Shankar-ehsaan-loy blitzing everything in view. 3 hours of just making merry. being yourself. letting loose. exhausted. and then the spirits start breaking loose. from chasing dogs on the food court to mixing mangola in cappuccino for that "commemorative" drink. so hooked (or completely unhooked...............:D) were people it seems impossible for us to even imagine the things we did that night. no sleep in the eye, all 10-12 odd strong, our contingent was marching the streets of iit powai searching for something to do. the coffee shack at 2 am. and then the ncc grounds at 2:30am. the lunacy broke loose. it absolutely took over people. at first all avoided going beserk by wanting to run away......sorry muggya...........lolz.............but then once committed, people almost hung on till the end..........almost. Mosh, as metal heads know is a a very energetic and stress breaking routine in heavy metal. well, "Maush" is what we made of it and it takes stretches the envelope to some other universe. collective head banging. on-the-spot compositions. even chasing each other around the cricket pitch. dancing and mocking the opponents on every song identified. and getting to fists when the tables are turned on us. imagine a normal dumb charades game, then take the normalcy out of it and then take the madness in it and square it. multiply that by 100. now you are getting close to what went on during that night.


first the charades. and as if that wasn't physically tiring enough (yeah , vinay left at the end of it cause he was too tired!!!) a game of truth and dare (ok truth and truth ...............:D) followed. as if we had vowed not to let the adrenaline from the charades to go waste. the Coke bottle was the weapon of choice and when it spun it unraveled with it many things which might have never ever been revealed. facts which would never become evident. bonds which would have never been forged. wavelengths which would never have otherwise matched. and that too with people, you hardly know. asking questions you know you just have too. or just for the heck of it. making fun of people and apologizing too. discovery (not the channel...........this was something better) is what the night of 28th December was all about. i do not have to cite all the happenings here itself. you can talk to any of the survivors of that explosion and they will be only happy to oblige. they will always begin with the following sentence ......." arey i can tell you. but should have been there to really know what it was all about."..............and then they would be happy enough to spend the whole day telling you in detail what all happened.

well, the night happened. we all came back to our natural habitats. but did those memories even leave our minds for one solitary second? can we ever forget or delete those brain cells, thoroughly intoxicated by the wine of that head rush? not me at least. everyday some thing or the other reminds me of one facet that became clearer to me that night. one thing that we could have done that night. of at least one person who contributed some part to themselves to my thought process. pretty sure others feel the same. cause when i look at the survivors today, they have been undeniably altered in some way. good or bad. no one came out unscathed. then be it the "hidisgiri" or the "maush" or the " truths" . anything at all. but it took a grip on everyone. and thats what is called epic. of one night like that can alter your mindset , your thought patterns and channel your behaviour in some other way. whatever that did to anyone else, it brought me nearer to a lot of people. some of them complete strangers to me before the night. but not anymore. just a look on the face, a wink of the eye is enough to identify the spark of that explosion which we all carry.


so as the finale to this late sonata , i would like to thank : pratik, sandeep, mugdha, purva, anuj, shrikant, saurabh, akshay, rohan kulkarni, bhalu, neil, rahul, parag, jai. for making it the night it was. it is. memorable would prove insufficient.............MAUSH!!!!!

Written and Blurted out!

was watching the movie "Shooter" yesterday. this below mentioned dialogue got me thinking.


"There is always a confused soul who thinks he can set it all right. and you have to kill him to convince him otherwise. thats the hassle with democracy."

kept pondering over it for a long time. happily did not reach any conclusion. went to sleep.

Movie time................"The Kingdom"

saw the movie, "the kingdom". and glad to say that after a long time , a movie which can touch my heart. tug at my emotional strings. the direction , acting, action etc etc. everything good.

typical terrorist - FBI movie. but shot in the Saudi Arabia. and real world touch to it. proper barbarism and brutality. story goes like this : an american compound near Riyadh. it falls prey to a fidayeen attack. 100 odd killed. many more injured. an FBI team , after many diplomatic pushovers get to go there for 5 days. crime scene investigation occurs and they find out one of the many hide outs where some action occurs. the FBI team is told to go back . when they are on their way back to the airport, they are ambushed and one of their colleagues taken hostage. the team with 2 saudi policeman , who have become good friends of theirs, accompany them. gripping car chase and gun battle later, they finally find their man and the head terrorist who had planned it all. and when we all thought that was over, a young kid , no more than 13-14 years old, comes in and shoots the saudi policeman. and as a result he is shot to death along with the aging, two finger less terrorist master mind.

that might all seem natural stuff when you read it. but it really touches you when you watch the movie. great soundtrack, amazing acting. especially the roles played by Jamie Foxx and the Saudi policeman are just too good. and the last sentence just got my goat (the one which jamie foxx whispers into the ear of a lady officer and the dying Abu Hamza says to his grandchild):


"Don't worry. We will kill them all"

man............i was expecting a really sorry ass philosophical statement there. but this is another weird dimension. a case of hate begets hate. or rather the beginning of the cycle. a vicious, hateful, violent and an almost never ending one. "we will kill them all". you will never fathom the amount of impact just by reading it. it has to be seen in the movie to be felt. so don't curse me cause i haven't ripped the movie apart. the execution is the piece - de - resistance . watch it if you have not already. may be a tad too violent for some people, but nevertheless, watch it.

Smells like teen spirit!!!

yeah yeah, i am talking about the song by Nirvana, the greatest youth anthem ever."smells like teen spirit" as the name goes, perfectly capturing the taste of those confused years.

"Load up on guns
Bring your friends
Its fun to lose
And to pretend
Shes overboard
Myself assured
I know I know
A dirty word"

having fun with your mates, the occasional funny cigarette, girl friends, sex (ok my indian friends that does not apply to you................:P.............and me too..............:(.........), swearing and the whole lot. thats what make those years so very memorable. the joy of discovery in everything we do. a very puritanical feel to it all. pride in what we make. and a very stupid stubborn attitude. you guys surely know what i am talking about.


"With the lights out its less dangerous
Here we are now
Entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now
Entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My libido
Yea"

being senseless , young and invincible. thats what it is all about. acting like we are immortal. thinking about things that may seem immaterial to this world. but we say, what the heck. its our life. lets live it.


"I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end"


hahahahhahahah....................confusion reigns supreme. experienced it haven't you???

"And I forget
Just what it takes
And yet I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard
Its hard to find
Oh well, whatever, nevermind"

yeah surely , never mind. \m__m/

Metallica rules!!!!!

yeah finally............well....................actually nothing very great about me writing this. any person who has known me for 10 minutes can tell that i am a heavy metal fan. another half an hour and he/she would come to know that my favorite band in the world is the mighty METALLICA. one of the big four thrash gods, they virtually invented grunge back in the early nineties.

Metallica are:
james hetfield
lars ulrich
kirk hammett
cliff burton (dead)/jason newsted(left the band)/rob trujillo

its not so much of the statistics that this band has created that captures me. its obviously the music. right from their first album "kill 'em all", they have been one of the most tight and creative (and not to forget...................brutally fast) bands the world has ever seen. before all the death metal non sense even started. actually those cookie monster music men owe a lot to metallica and slayer for where they stand. "hit the lights" their first track on the metal massacre compilation was the genesis of what was going to be an epic journey. they matured through "ride the lightning". and then the world just could not resist the onslaught of their epic "master of puppets". a momentous album. it really opened up the world stage for them. blowing bands like ozzy osbourne off stage while supporting them. that was what was going on. the blitz continued with "...........And Justice for all". one of the best core thrash metal albums of all time. and then was the time of nuclear "metallica" destruction. with the eponymous album a.k.a. "the black album", metallica proved that they were the best. on top of the world. the heaviest and the loudest. three years of touring to support the black album. and then came "load" and its kid brother "Reload". a little change in the musical direction, but very "metallica" nonetheless.
nostalgia reigned on "Garage Inc..." with them playing covers of their idols like motorhead. as if this was not enough, they went ahead and collaborated with the San Francisco symphony orchestra to create the timeless "s&m". a masterpiece that album , just like all the others. and after jason newsted left , the band went through another makeover. rediscovering themselves and their drives .most expected the band to fall apart. but they came back stronger than ever. with "st. anger" they planted a strong fist on the faces of doubters and hecklers. ditto with the documentary "some kind of monster". once again at the top. reigning proudly.

enough of the timeline nonsense. i mean all know about it. they are not the worlds greatest heavy metal band for nothing. well what really gets my goat is the way these people make their music. they don't have the "best guitar solo player in the world" or the "fastest drummer in the world". just a plain insane drive to make metal music. and get it out to people. and if they do not pay attention, just play louder and faster. away from the greasy spandex and pink glam metal bands and into normal jeans , tees and crates of beer, these guys at anytime could crack you up with their metal attack. be it the lyrics (mostly by james hetfield) or the solos (mostly by kirk hammett) or the mixing and production arrangement and of course drumming by lars ulrich, the music is very heartfelt. it will touch a vein, strike a chord with everyone of us. faster tunes like battery and blackened. melodic ones like "one". slow and balladic ones like "nothing else matters" and "the call of the ktulu". they have done everything. and they could because they knew what they were doing and how they were doing. they did not allow the outside world to interfere with the metalli-world that they had created . and being gutsy enough to keep room for innovation on every album. i am sure people will find this point very relevant in the black album - load- st. anger transition period. and people loved everyone of them. and of course the awards kept coming all the time.

so , you can listen to metallica and open up to a complete new world of heavy music or stay ignorant and at peace. but that does not bother me. they are in the studio putting the finishing touches to their latest album. and when it comes out i am going to buy it and be happy that they are still out there alive and well and kicking ass. and me rocking to their tunes. Nothing else matters. \m__m/. hail metallica!!

p.s. : April 7th has been proclaimed as "Official Metallica Day " by Willie Brown , the then (1999) mayor of San Francisco.